Serenity Farm, October 14, 11am

It's that time o' year again!  Hayrides, pumpkin picking, and pet your local four-legged farm livin' friends...




Crisp, fresh air, big blue skies, and...

 


Um...
There's about a hundred different captions I could put here, but I'm a mother.
And a lady.
Ahem, yes...

 



Oh, hello, goat!

  




And like a good 3 year old, he bites his finger nails after petting the farm animals.
*sigh*






Then, with a sudden and a quick, a storm came through and our tribe of moms/dads/grandmas/kids found our way to dry land.

  


The kids didn't mind one bit that their field trip took a 30 minute hiatus for the storm to pass through

 



Soon enough we were back on the wagon (haha) with grandma!

 


After walking though "Kasper's Kastle" -themed with various Disney characters...



...we walked through the hay maze finding our way to the...



pumpkin patch...

 Happy Autumn!

33 weeks (and 2 days)

Still to go:
6 weeks and 5 days

Which is:
47 days

Time passed:
33 weeks and 2 days

The babe is as big as a:
Honeydew (19in, 4.5 lbs, estimated)

My educated/blind guess is that this baby is already a good 25 inches. Some moments I feel his little feet grazing around my waist, stretching to my back.  Other days I'm pushing him out from under my rib cage...He is by FAR more active than Milo ever was whilst in utero.  He is quite a roly poly bump nudge jiggle kind of a guy.  No matter what I eat/drink or sitting/standing,  he enjoys himself some calisthenic exercises!  I can only guess that his head is down from the amount of pressure and ache I've been experiencing in the good 'ol pelvis.  My doc doesn't check for position o' the baby until week 36.  Here's hoping!

And TMI and so gross, but I woke myself up the other night choking on stomach acid.  It's become a very necessary thing to pop a couple of Tums before I lay down.  Because as soon as I'm past the 45 degree angle, here comes a taste in my mouth and a burn in my chest that just shouldn't be experienced by a nice girl like me.  Oh, holiness...

"Is he potty trained YET?"

Milo continues to be completely uninterested in potty training.

Case in point:

My diaper doesn't fit in my shorts?  WHAT OF IT?!



I think   I *totally* got my money's worth out of this diaper.

At this point, his little brother will be potty trained before him...

*shudder to think*

How Milo keeps it real while I keep it couch.

Good thing Milo is of the age where he demands to exhibit his increasing independence.  "I DO IT!"  is most definitely his favorite words to string together.  As I continue to marinate in my nausea-fatigue coma, my little "I DO IT" man is learning the fine art of independent play mixed with a little 2 year old imagination...

Playing with Magna Tiles.  This is pretty much one of those daily toys. Milo loves putting together a "house."  And then fist pumping the house across the room.  Seaside-Jersey style.

 

Eatting dinner a scoop of peanut butter. (Yes, that's me with my legs stretched out.  Sitting on the couch. Yup.)



Milo contemplates breast augmentation plays with his balls... I should be banned from captioning pictures until I develop some couth...





My boys, putting on a concert for me.  Doctor? Rock Star?  Either one is cool by me!




Smoking a J.  Catching a case of the major sillies.




Cleaning shelves.  With body lotion.  Very expensive lotion I might add.




Looking at porn Playing Call of Duty: Black Ops with daddio.




Making mama breakfast a cake. Yum-O!

 The End.

Blurred to protect the Innocent. And the Guilty.

The morning after clean-up crew.  My HOA dollars hard at work.

So, yeah.
Here's a pic of my neighbors. One is street sweeping while the other is drinking a substance unknown while... supervising?

"You missed a spot."

Did I mention it's 27 degrees outside?

It's like they just woke up and said, "Top of the morning to you, Neighbor! Why don't you grab a broom and a cocktail and meet me outside? Get dressed?  Nah, just pull on something festive!  It's the HOLIDAZE"

I love my Klass-Act neighborhood.  Keeps me happy.

An artist is at work here, people.

God DAMN FUCKING cookies from scratch.
GOD damn  1994 stove that doesn't heat evenly or clean itself.
STupid Fucking smoke detector who is like a crack whore on constant PMS wailing at any sign of innocent cooking or baking!
Forgetful SPACE CADET MOI who assumes I have enough butter AND FUCKING SUGAR in the house to make these FUCKING COOKIES FROM scratch!!
You know who sells "crystalized ginger"?  NOBODY. Or all the stores are sold out because of chipper cheerFULL free-for-all Betty Homemakers of the world STOCK PILED THEM IN THEIR FUCKING CUSTOM BUILT 500 SQUARE FOOT PANTRY.

Are cookies supposed to be burnt on the bottom and RARE on the inside?

I EVEN BOUGHT CREAM OF TARTAR.

I don't even know what that is!!  But it was on sale and apparently people buy this during the month of December!!

There's flour on my CEILING.  On my POPCORN FUCKING CEILING that my husband and I just painted!!

PAINTED! You know how much fun painting a popcorn ceiling is!??!!  OH, IT'S LOTS.

And THEN...I don't have the right PAN, the thermometer thingy, or fucking PAM spray. 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED 4.5 INCH FLUTED INDIVIDUAL TART PANS WITH REMOVEABLE BOTTOMS??

I got me a removeable bottom.

It's called "go to fucking aisle 3 at the grocery store, buy a bag of oreos and bring THOSE to the fucking cookie swap!!"

I'll layer those bitches on wax paper in an airtight container and tie a goddamn red ribbon around it.  And THAT will be THAT.

disclaimer: no child was harmed during the joke of a sedative-hypnotic drug

I worked last Saturday (yes, Thanksgiving weekend, booooo), so the husb took Milo to a place that rhymes with Foam Weepo.  He sent me this pic via picture mail.

I hate missing the successful, calm, no whining/running shopping trips.  Or maybe daddy slipped him a Quaalude in the parking lot...

the fun around here never stops. or it never starts. Depends on who you ask

So the other day my son took a rather large shit.

He looks over at me and says, "Oh no...what happened?"

Then he grabs his bum and says, "Butt.  Butt."

This is the stuff proud moms are made of.

no pants is the new black tie

 

Uh, excuse me, sir.  Didn't you get the memo? This is a no pants zone...

...I've been working for the man quite a lot lately, so this here blogger has been very un-prolific. But when I do get out from the confines of a "clocked in" existence I still enjoy taking my son to public places...sans pants.

It's the good life.

How does one order a sandwhich in a public place with a toddler that doesn't understand patience?  Give him a 10 inch popsicle...take off his pants...and Voila, an easy moment in time!

How do you handle the 2 second attention span of a child in public places?

(almost!) 2 going on...

16: "I can't be seen with you people.  You lower my numbers...I'm going to eat my dinner over here. KTHX."

Also? How much do I LOVE our new dining room table??  It's just 20 times perfect for the space!

21: "Can I get you cold one? Anyone?"

Seriously...he opened the fridge, took out 2 beers, opened a drawar, took out the bottle opener...then promptly went to work trying to open the bottle...(he wasn't successful, btw)

25: the next generation of Jack-Ass?  or Cirque du Soleil?

Also? I could say he picked this outfit out himself...but, no, that would be wrong...this is a "dad" outfit. Thankyouverymuch...

Happy 4th of July weekend!!

for the record, no minors were hurt during the taking of these pics...

boy: Your hair looks nice today.

girl: Uh, yeah. That was MY bagel you're eating.  And, btw, why are you wearing a pink beaded necklace?

boy: The food here is SO good!

girl: Did I shave my legs for this? I wonder if I'll be home on time for Idol.

boy: hey! Mind if I sit next to you? I feel this connection...

girl:  Are you f*ckin' kidding Me??

For some reason, these pics remind of every first date I've ever been on.  Just sayin'.

It's Friday, ya'll.

Tonights dinner?

  Beef Vegan Hotdog, unwashed organic apple, stale farm raised and locally grown raisens, and stale baby Toddler Mum-mums smeared with full fat natural peanut almond butter. With a side of Mardi Gras beads (don't ask) paired with an iPood  that I paid 20 dollers for wtf was I thinking t-shirt.

We like to get wild from time to time whilst being nutritionally somewhat wine-buzzed  conscious.

is this a "boy" thing?

It's 7am, Saturday morning.  Noone is rushing out the door, we can lounge in our 1000 count Egyption cotton sheets, smell the coffee being automatically brewed, listen to the birds chirp their morning song, cats curled up by our feet...and a nearly 2 year old boy singing...

 WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YaYaYaYaYaYaYaYa! Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Anyhoosit, on days like this I wait until de Milo's volume is at CRITICAL -"I am going to PUKE if someone doesn't get ME THE HELL UP ON OUTTA HERE! HELLO! YaYaYa.  Aaaaahhhh.  I'm stiLL HERE. In MA CRIB! YoYoYo. KITTY!  DeeDeeDEE!"

And that is when I get up, do a quick face splash and teeth brushing, and do the cat walk to what used to be a sweet, angelic nursery quickly turned into a Chippendales Show featuring a Golden Shower...

what?

Yeah.  12 hours before I had a clothed, sweet smelling, babbling baby boy.

In his place?

A completely NAKED, and when I say NAKED, I mean NAKED -no shirt, no pants, no DIAPER and -let's not leave this out- PEEING onto his mattress.

Yeah.

"MILO!" with a mixture of amusement and exasperation. 

What does he do? Glances up and smiles as if to to say, "Oh, HI!  Good morning, mumsy! Did I wake you? Could you please hand me my shirt?  What's for breakfast?!"

the upside of daycare: ME time!!

so today?

I had a training regarding nonviolent crisis intervention (super fun!) that ended early.  Like 4 hours early.  I then headed over to Panera Bread and ate at a leisurely pace (the. best. thing. EVER) And then I thought about getting my oil changed.  Then thought: Nah.

Thought about going to the gym. Then thought: Nah.

Thought about going to the grocery store.  Then thought: Nah.

Thought about Milo and wondered if he was napping right about now, like he usually does. Thought maybe I should call the daycare to see if he was napping and, if not, maybe go ahead and pick him up and try to get him to nap in his own crib. READ: a full 2 hours that he can only successfully do in his own crib at this time.

Then thought: Nah.

Thought about going home and taking a nap and then going to pick him up.

Best idea I had all day!!

I love today!

update: So after I had an amazing 2 hour nap, I went to get Mr. Milo...guess who didn't nap?! Again!? DAY 2 OF NO NAPPING!

You could say I had a smidge of guilt...

and then I thought: maybe he'll sleep through the entire night  LIKE HE DID LAST NIGHT HOW AWESOME WAS THAT PEOPLE!! WOOT!

and then I thought:

I love today! Again!

ps: Tomorrow is Milo's pediatric podiatrist appointment.  Wish us luck!

Gettin' his hair did

So haircut #2 happened the day before his 1st day of daycare.

I just strapped him into his booster seat, gave him a popsicle and I went at it...

The front turned out pretty well...

the sides turned out...marginally well...

and the back...?

I hope the kids didn't make fun of you too bad...

Next time, daddy may have to find his inner barber, or we're going to the nearest professional...

one hot mess, wonder where he gets it from?

Fellow parents...

Hi. How are you?

Y'know how you want the best when it comes to your child(ren)?

Or, rather, you have the best intentions of providing the best when it comes to your child(ren)?

Specifically, you want them to eat.  It all begins with the old "to breast feed or to formula" issue.  Or, to both...

And then when you resolve that issue, it's "when to solid food?"

And then you're spooning "stage one" homemade or store bought food into their suspicious, eager, and interested mouths...

And, you think, possibly gasp out loud, bragging to your disinterested friends, (S)HE is SUCH a good eater!  (S)he loves sweet potato, avocado, squash, green beans, even FISH...(blah, blah, blah...)

And then BAM! POOF! goes your "suspicious-eager-interested" eater and it's all you can do to give them all the vitamins-minerals-calories-fat-carbs-sodium-protein that they need to be that NBA-NFL-CEO-M.D.-J.D.-PhD-M.F.A.-M.B.A.-CPR certified child that you so PLANNED on when you threw birth-freakin'-control into the trash because this man has the most amazing genes that are gonna ROCK ON  THROUGH ELECTRIC AVENUE!!!!

wHERE was I?

OH!  food...

So, if you've read  THE BOOKS, THE parenting books, they all warn against the fast foods, the foods that are gonna ruin your child and they will FAIL at becoming the VERY BEST they can be DON'T YOU DARE GO THROUGH THAT DRIVE THROUGH YOUNG LADY. 

but these days, in this household,  french fries and pizza are what's up.  ARE what is HAPPENING. and you know what??

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Yes. That is Papa Johns Pizza in one hand and a bottle hanging out of his mouth. Paradox much?  And, no, that is not a pee stain on his jeans.  It's apple juice.  SWEAR.

ONE. HOT. MESS.

Maybe make that two...;)

I can haz more snow?

Fact: we've been getting snow.  Lots and Lots of snow. Pro: Lots of family bonding! Con: LOTS of family bonding!  I kid, I kid.  We didn't venture outside today due to the Blizzard conditions i.e. lots of wind, lots of snow, lots of cold.  You don't need the INCESSANT weather coverage to look around and see the weather!  So while my baby daddy was cooking some delish Indian hamburger kabobs (we have a thing for Indian food, just in case you missed that segment) (and ps, We had to use ground beef because the grocery stores (yes we went to several) were ALL OUT of ground lamb. Just ob-surd!), Milo and I went to a couple of windows and did some picture taking.  We get wild like that sometimes.

Look out Ansel Adams!!

That's my door handle -on the inside and the outside.  You see how I captured the snow?  ON THE HANDLE?! This cabin fever gives me the artistics chills...

I can haz MORE snow!?

ps: you can barely see it, but Milo is playing with an empty egg carton.  My imagination knows no bounds...that and the fact that our recycle bin is hibernating-so, figured in the meantime, let them play with trash!

he is just sew kewt!

lone toy rider thing. And that tree again. (boundless AGAIN!)

Nostalgic for BBQs and umbrella drinks. And, while I'm at it, sleeping in and road trips to NYC.

The trash won't be picked up this week. So we're stock piling dirty diapers.  At least all that poo is frozen...(what? you didn't think I'd go a whole post without talking about poo, did you?)

And finally, a video of my darlings.  Teaching an 18 month old how to play Indian poker is a sure fire way to laugh the winter blizzard blues away...