a birth story (5 years later)

It's been well over a year since I've posted the goings on o' the tribe.  Life with 2 children, highly interruptive. I now have thousands of pictures just hanging out in the hard drive, on an external drive, and, of course, the iPhone.  And what would I do if there wasn't Instagram?! What can I say? Me love the photo aps.  Anyhoo...the photos are all organized by dates but with no obnoxious, witty, motherly commentary.  I started this blog shortly after Milo was born and now here we are 5 years later...

(mind BLOWN)

5 years has HAPPENED, MAN, since that day I transferred my heart and mind to another human being and pushed like a beast that 6 pounder (and 14 ounces thankyouverymuch) with a vacuum assist out of my body.  5 years since I last saw that free-wheeling out for ME ME and ME ain't no car seat in this pimp ride, yo -I got time to KILL and WASTE AWAY -let's SLEEP UNTIL NOON BABY!

 I now have a 5 year old...still weird a bit for me but I'll take. Hell, some days I'll take 18 years: GO DO YOUR OWN THING WASH YOUR OWN LAUNDRY CLEAN YOUR OWN DAMN BATHROOM. You wanna watch 5 hours of t.v. while eating Doritos with your other hand down your pants? HAVE AT IT!! Here let me get you your 5th glass of Orange Juice!

And call your mother every once in awhile of course...

 

But I know all of that will happen.  Some say at lightning speed, blink of an eye, before you even know it....

 

But we all know, as parents -as people- that "enjoying every moment" is ridiculous and impossible. 

Witnessing a newborn become a toddler become a talker become a finally sleeping through the nighter who FINALLY is out of diapers become a big brother...

 

 

I've grown into this parenting gig with you, Milo, as you've slid into and out of phases of your first 5 years.  Every age has become "my favorite age." Listening to you talk and attempt sense of this world I invited you into, it's my favorite past time.

Milo, 3 months

I still remember your birthday, the original one.  A story I haven't told on this blog.

Long story short, Your birth scared the shit out me.

 (But I'm going to tell the details anyways...)

 My water broke with a big 'ol POP, waking me up at 3something in the morning.  I was 36 weeks and one day pregnant.  I assumed you felt my "I'M SICK OF BEING PREGNANT" vibes reverberating through the uterine walls.  I had been to my 36 week appointment 2 days prior and the doc du jour at Navy medical cheerfully waved me off, "see you at your 38 week appointment!"

So when I found myself drenched in amniotic fluid and contractions thundering on the mountain at a rapid pace I could think of nothing but FUCK! GET ME TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL!  Of course we lived 50 miles away....

Your dad, aka Superman, had us there in 30 minutes.  Thankfully it was WAY EARLY IN THE MORNING and there was no traffic. The beltway circling D.C. is well known for its crazy rush hours.

We go through the security checkpoint quickly...One look at moaning about-to-pop mama over here and the guard waved us through without so much as an id check.  We park the car and head into the hospital.  Although we had been here nearly every month for 8 months...we had very little clue as to where the actual maternity ward was, despite the tour we took a month earlier...The hospital has a tricky layout and as luck would have it....not ONE person we passed could tell us where to go.  NOT ONE.  I had given up on caring about the "just pissed myself" look and was feeling each contraction harder and harder as more and MORE fluid gushed out of me.

Yeah.  NICE.

I always thought that water just broke ONCE.  But mine kept GOING.  For, like, HOURS. 

(haha, yes this is YOUR story baby boy...)

We managed to find the one tricky out-of-the-way elevator that leads to the magical land of epidurals.  I was moaning and leaning across the nurse's station like a drunk sorority girl at her first fraternity party.  The pain had gotten so bad I was sure I was dying.  And that it would NEVER end.  And that I was dying. And that it would NEVER END.

The check-in was mostly done by your dad because the questions kept coming.  I felt myself on the verge of crossing into CRAZY TOWN.  I did -nicely- give one nurse some feedback, "You know, you guys ask the same questions over and over.  I've had 3 nurses ask me the SAME THING."  (smile)

"Yes, we're aware of that."

Well what THE FUCK then...

Ugh...Navy medicine.  Anyways....

5 centimeters and an epidural later (I was THIS CLOSE to making out with the dude who hit my back up with that amazing nectar of NUMB.  I didn't care how pregnant and married I was...he took that pain BYE BYE) I was settled nicely into my room.  Making phone calls, watching the Today show...and wondering when I could order some food. 

Because I WAS STARVING. 

I quickly progressed to 10cm but I didn't feel "the pressure" just yet so I laid low.  By 10am, the pressure and then my anxiety was turned on and it was time to PUSHity PUSH!  With knees drawn up and a room full of interns (yay teaching hospital!) I gave it my all.  We took breaks every few minutes to view your heart rate and to roll me to my side to ease the pressure.  The doc decided to put a vacuum on your head to get you out quicker since your heart was stressing over the contractions.  But that's all I needed to motivate me at the last moment and you were out quickly.

10:35am
July 18, 2008
6lbs 14oz
20 inches

Doctor's first words?  "He bit me!"  Yes, you were a fighter! You were probably just as surprised as I was that you had arrived a month ahead of schedule.  As I've always said when telling this story..."It didn't hurt my feelings he wanted out early!"

Easy to say when you were born healthy and beautiful. 

3 months

They say the most rapid phase of a child's development occurs in their first five years of life...



1 year old (Ocean City, MD)

2.5 years old

 

3.5 years

 

4.5 years

 

 And I tend to believe them...

5 years

Dear Milo,

You've brought a tremendous amount of LIGHT into my life.  You've opened my consciousness in ways that only you could do.  From those restless, sleepless nights with you in my arms or laying next to me, to your sweet, spontaneous hugs when you say, "Mommy you wanna play with me?" Your eyes will be the death of me.  They say everything and inspire me to be better, to do better.

In a couple of months, you'll be starting Kindergarten, and you are SO EXCITED. Just as I wrote on your first day of daycare way back when you were 19 months old, your world is about to get bigger.  You're village is about to encompass a whole new set of people, ideas, energy, and spirit.  Know that you're family will be here and you will always be surrounded by love...

 

Ocean City, July 2013

 

Love you baby boy,

Mama

on the breast

Due to tongue tie and a sleep deprived, impatient, and anxious first time mom, Milo was not breast fed.  So I took the road less travelled and pumped 7 times a day and supplemented with formula.   Yes, it was a major pain in the ass.  I knew with Kid Dos that I would not go down that ridiculous road again.  If Ari wasn't into it and I wasn't into it, then formula would be measured and poured into the loving arms of a sterilized bottle.

However, Ari has been a super champion -let me show you how it's done- feeder of the breast.  I now "get it" when other moms speak highly of breastfeeding.  I used to think they were lying.  And I will breastfeed until it no longer works for one or both of us.

Or until he turns 5.  Whichever happens first.  (haHA!)

In the past month, here a couple few things I've learned:

You know you're a breastfeeding mom when...

-You're not embarrassed to push on your breasts in public to see which one you left on.

-You here the catch phrase, "The baby is fussy...he wants some of that 2%."

-You feel the tingle/burn of your milk coming in and think, "He must be hungry." -AND THE BABY IS SLEEPING.

-When you tell people, "He drinks from the tap."

-You go visit your brother and need to nurse.  An hour later when you nurse again, you notice you're missing a nursing pad.  As you're leaving and saying your good-bye's you add, "I lost a pad somewhere in your house.  Sorry 'bout that."

-You leave the house sans cleavage and then develop amazing cleavage within hours.

-After nursing in the car you forget to snap your bra and pull down your shirt.  And then you walk out, in public, totally oblivious to it.

-You shamelessly re-snap or unsnap your nursing bra in public.

-You have perfected your hide -n- seek skills.

-You wake up at night to feed the baby and can't tell if your sweating or if its breastmilk all down your chest/stomach/sheets.

-When your toddler finds your pump and pretends to express milk from his own chest.

-You're out of reach of some nursing pads, so you use whatever towel/shirt/baby blanket to stuff in your bra.

-Your baby unlatches because he's choking due to a strong let down.

-"Crying over spilt milk" has a new meaning to you.

- You wake up in the middle of the night and see a pond of milk on the sheets, milk pouring out of baby's mouth and pooled in his neck, boob hanging out...but you're too tired to care so you just shift the both of you to the side and go back to sleep.

-You swear it's like 90 degrees in your house.

-You marvel at nearly every diaper change that this poo/pee came from YOUR milk. AWESOME!

-You love how accessible, easy, and FREE the milk is!  And maybe it's just me, but breastfed babies are just way, way cute:



Case in point

 


It doesn't get any more delish-ness.

 

Day 238 (34 weeks)



Day 237:  Are we there yet?

 If this baybee is like Milo, he'll be here in 2 weeks.
If this baybee wants to be labeled "full term," he'll be here in 3 weeks.
If this baybee wants to be in line with my due date, he'll be here in 6 weeks.

If this baybee wants to be an inconsiderate, stubborn punk, he'll be here in 8 weeks.

At my  453 34 week appointment, the doc confirms with me my due date.  I, of course, try to negotiate/compromise/lie/black mail her into changing the date.

Because, you know, that works...

I tell the doc, "I don't think I'm going all the way to 40 weeks.  My hips are incredibly achy, I'm waddling like a drunken duck on the shores of Key West.  The pressure is so HEAVY that my vagina is crumbling under the weight of this child's head, and yesterday I discovered colustrum already leaking from my boobs!!"

She just laughed and said "Girl you are CRAZY!  You know, some women leak colustrum at 10 WEEKS!"

Inotherwords,  she's totally not on board with my birthplan.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to have this baby a moment sooner than full term, or a moment sooner than when he is ready to vacate,  I just...you know... as they say, am in the home stretch...

Statistics for the number crunchers:

Still to go:
6 weeks (dot, dot, dot)

Which is:
42 days

Time passed since the first day of my last menstrual period aka the only definitive number in this countdown game:
34 weeks (238 days)


34 week Doc Appointment revelations:

Blood pressure:
102/58

total weight gain:
19.5 lbs

fundal height:
measuring at 35 weeks



Oy vey



33 weeks (and 2 days)

Still to go:
6 weeks and 5 days

Which is:
47 days

Time passed:
33 weeks and 2 days

The babe is as big as a:
Honeydew (19in, 4.5 lbs, estimated)

My educated/blind guess is that this baby is already a good 25 inches. Some moments I feel his little feet grazing around my waist, stretching to my back.  Other days I'm pushing him out from under my rib cage...He is by FAR more active than Milo ever was whilst in utero.  He is quite a roly poly bump nudge jiggle kind of a guy.  No matter what I eat/drink or sitting/standing,  he enjoys himself some calisthenic exercises!  I can only guess that his head is down from the amount of pressure and ache I've been experiencing in the good 'ol pelvis.  My doc doesn't check for position o' the baby until week 36.  Here's hoping!

And TMI and so gross, but I woke myself up the other night choking on stomach acid.  It's become a very necessary thing to pop a couple of Tums before I lay down.  Because as soon as I'm past the 45 degree angle, here comes a taste in my mouth and a burn in my chest that just shouldn't be experienced by a nice girl like me.  Oh, holiness...

30 weeks and signs that suggests the existence of fact, condition, or quality

Signs you are a parent of a toddler:

1. You have no problem deciphering sentences like, "Ova da smah beez! SMAH BEEZ MAMA!"

2.  You find it endearing when he says, "I tooted!  I tooted again!"

3.  You find yourself counting to three several times a day.  "One.  TWO.  THREE!  Get over here, NOW!"

4.  Upon arriving at the grocery store you go straight to the nearest display of chips and ask your toddler to choose one so that you may shop in (relative) peace and timeliness.  And to keep him in the cart.

5.  And then, upon checkout, forget about the empty bag of doritoes in your pocket and -unintentionally- shoplift (whoops!).

6.  You find yourself *giving in* and letting the child have a popsicle at 7:30 in the morning (peace and quiet, yes?).  And then you wonder why he won't eat his cheerios and banana.  And then, the next morning, wonder why you're dealing with a whiny toddler for 20 minutes because he heard the words, "We don't eat popsicles in the morning.  It's breakfast time! Now eat your Cheerios!"

7.  You have increased upper body strength from "airplaning" a tantruming toddler from the car to the house.  Or from the store to the car.  Or from the playground to the car. Or...

8.  After a time out, you approach the toddler to explain to him why he was in time out and he says, "NO, GO AWAY. YOU STAY BACK!"

9.  You ask the toddler if he would like a piece of granola bar.  He says, "NO, WANT IT!"  Then as you turn away, toddler quickly whines, "GIVE IT TO ME!  I want bar!  I want bar!"

10.  You measure your time in how many hours left until naptime, or bedtime.

11.  You measure your worth by the words, "Mommy, come sit down" as toddler pats the space next to him.


photo curt-sy of this biotch



Signs you are pregnant and you have a toddler:

1.  You find toddler to be oh-so-cute and observant when he says, "Mommy toot!  Mommy toot AGAIN!"

2.  "Mommy burped!  Mommy burped again!"

3.  Toddler says, "Mommy tummy big!  OH, BIG TUMMY!"  As he lifts up your dress or shirt and starts smacking and poking your stomach.

4.  The morning ritual of toddler tip toeing into your room and then loudly exclaiming, "Get up mommy!  Wake UP!"

5. And then he says, "Mommy, where's da pants? Oh, put on your pants..."

6.  You're toddler looks more well rested/well fed and overall more put together than you do.

7.  You find yourself saying to your spouse, "Mommy's going to go potty and then it's naptime."

8.  You look down at your shirt and see traces of toothpaste, peanut butter, and juice.  And you could care less because you're down to a select few fitting and stylish shirts.

9.  You watch the show, "I didn't know I was pregnant" and think, "Who are these dumb bitches who were lucky enough not to have ONE symptom of pregnancy AND they already have a child?!"

10.  You think shaving, wearing make-up, and putting on dangling earrings are for skinny, well-rested bitches who get to drink tequila with people over the age of 2. (at least).  And a "night cap" is 2 Tums chased by a shot of Peptobismal.  At the late hour of 9pm.

11.  You measure your time in weeks.

12.  You many have bouts of forgetfulness but you know EXACTLY how many weeks pregnant you are and how many weeks left.

13.  You measure your self worth by the words, "Mommy, I want big tummy, too!"

Stats of the resident prego:

Still to go:
10 weeks

Which is:
70 days

Time passed:
30 weeks

Weight gain:
13.5lbs

Fundal height:
measuring at 32 weeks.  Which means I'm measuring 2 weeks bigger than I should be.  Doc says this is not cause for changing the due date.    Psshhht. She's no fun...

Blood Pressure:
110/50 (cool as a cucumber)

And, starting this week, "do your kick counts!"  Uh...no problem with that one, doc.  Bytheway, is there such a thing as TOO much movement?  And, no, I'm not fueling myself with power-sugar-energy coffee drinks...that's just the way he is rollin' baby!!  And that baybay is kickin' and punchin' and elbowin' and kneein' EV-VER-RY-WHERE!

I'd also like to welcome back my old friend, Shortofbreath.

"You might get winded easily as your uterus expands beneath your diaphragm, the muscle just below your lungs."

NO SHIT.

In related news, stomach acid does not belong in my throat.  Or my mouth.  Yum.

Fun thought o' the day:
"Did my water just break or is this a bad case of the butt sweats?"

Pregnancy in the summer is FUN FUN!

P.S.  I may be 7.5 months pregnant and uh..not 21years old...but that ain't stopping me from shopping at Forever 21...

Forever Twenty-One: it ain't just for skinny non-pregnant free-livin' bitches...



Nothing like the internet to make you doubt yourself. Thanks Google.

So (not so) little miss thing over here (that's me) has been wrapping her (me again) brain around the whole "pregnant with a boy" thing. 

But then I came across this website.  And, now, I'm doubting the 100%ness of carrying a boy.  Turns out male and female fetus' look pretty darn similar at the 12ish week. 

Huh.

So then I'm thinking...there's still a chance this could be a girl?

I always said I really don't care either way what gender Milo's sibling is.  My part was to have unprotected, unbridled, reverse cowgirl boots with the fur kind of relations.  With. That. Man. (old -revised- Clinton joke for ya)  The rest is up to the great Goddess of Nature. 

And, as we all know, the Big Mother N does her own thing without a care as to what opinions are dropped into the suggestion box.

boy, girl -I'm not playing favorites...I just want to know!

Next ultrasound appointment? 2 weeks.  I'll be 17 weeks and that will make me far enough along to really believe what is seen...

A lot of pregnancy is about uncertainty. About EVERYTHING: 

Gender, health of the baby (physical, mental, developmental), what genes will they inherit, how long will I stay pregnant, when will labor start, and for how long, what symptoms will I experience, how will my body change, how will it stay the same, will I be able to breastfeed, do I even want to breastfeed, will I be judged on my feeding choices, will I be judged if I take pics of me breastfeeding (oh, the controversy!), can I keep my boobs after the milk has dried up, will I get stretch marks, will the baby be collicky, have I gained too much weight, can I have a glass of wine in the 2nd trimester, how about a shot of tequila, what will I NAME the baby, what would my long deceased grandmother say about the name, will I need a c-section this time, should I go back on the Mirena or try the pill, will having another child turn me into a friendless lunatic who can't tell the difference between a refrigerater and a pantry, belly button care, circumscision care, ear infections, fever, night feeding after night feeding, midnight ER trips, sitz baths and witch hazel pads, will the bleeding EVER STOP, stock piling super absorbant granny panties, husband deployments...

Tip of the ice berg.  I might be a little neurotic.

So let's find out the gender (again) so I can at least check that off my list...

week 13: some say you're supposed to feel better. I say STFU.



Pants that fit can get a girl giddy-fied!

As much as I don't want to spend any money on maternity wear...I can't help myself.  Prego or not, when a girl pulls on a pair of pants that improves her self esteem while simultaneously making the world a more peaceful -unicorns in strawberry fields- kind of place...

you're going to throw some money down.

Some folks out there say the 2nd trimester begins at week 12.  Some say week 12 day 1.  Some say week 13.   I've even read week 14 is the beginning...

I'm not sure why they haven't figured that shit out.  Like a long time ago.  Pregnancy ain't nothin' new, ya'll.

Anyhoos.  Here are some fast facts for prosperity:

Cravings:

water

milk

soy chocolate milk

peanut butter and nutella smeared on graham crackers
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
peanut butter crackers (see a theme here?)

Veggie sandwiches

Fiber One cereal

fruit (grapes/apples/bananas)
sleep (obvs)

Loud music with heavy, aggressive guitar (Beastie Boys, White Stripes, Rage Against the Machine)

Aversions:

red onion

vinaigrette

ketchup

people who can get by on 8 hours sleep and feel human

The fatigue is starting to lapse...just a tiny fraction of a piece.  People say it's because I have a 2 year old to chase after that makes the fatigue so much more than with the last pregnancy.  But I think it's more of the HORMONES THAT ARE ROCKING OUT in my brain/body universe.  For example, after washing the sheets on our bed, I was able to get the fitted sheet and flat sheet back in place.  However, it took 5 days FIVE DAYS for me to put pillow cases back on the pillows.

Let's not even talk about the bathrooms.  The colorful ring in the toilet or the toothpaste on the mirrors. 

Or the dust, the vacuuming, the crumbs in the couch that just beckon a small army of ants to just "come on in -there's a buffet up in here!"

My husband, who just happens to be 3000 some odd miles away, is encouraging me to call a cleaning service.

-Think they'll mind if I'm napping while they're here?

I'm also having issues with the whole cooking thing.



Frozen pizza turned Charcoal.  WhOOPs!
Dinner is served, my love!

Please pray for my inner domestic goddess to emerge...

because it ain't pretty over here...

But you wanna see something that IS?



week 12, day 6: Look at the AWESOMENESS!



 (more ultrasound pics to come...I just need to...nap first...)

I've been a piss-poor wife. But it's not my fault. (sort of)

It happens when you're a first trimester casualty.

The long-ass ass-sessions on the couch.  Surrounded by crumbs and empty containers of yogurt, half eatten PB and J sandwiches, string cheese wrappers and several dirty glasses...

The "so whatchu makin' for dinner"? nightly basis check-in.

"Hey hon, the cat litter needs some attention.  You scooped 2 days ago?  Do you mind revisiting? I smell their shit, like majah. love you.

me: Idol is on tonight for 2 hours."
husb:  Guess I'm giving Milo a bath tonight. AND putting him down.  Again."
me: what?

6:17am Saturday morning:
Milo: Daaaadeeeee.  Daaaadeeee. (repeat for 20 minutes)
I totally pretend like I'm in a deep, hard Princess sleep.
Afterall, it's daddy he's calling for, not me...

Refusing to eat leftovers.  Only take out gourmet sandwiches from the deli up the street will do for my lunch.  Cha-ching!!

I'm slowly taking over the closet with my maternity awesome-wear. Move over work uniforms and other straight-man attire...big girl pants and mu-mu's comin' through!!

I'm still hanging tight in the "inbetween stage" of regular pants no longer fitting comfortably or AT-ALL, yet, maternity pants are looking a little too MC Hammerish.  So I've taken to mostly wearing sweat pants or just walking around the house in pants that aren't buttoned.

My husb thinks this is an invitation.  Until he hears the sounds coming from my ass.

It's a good thing that man loves me.

In related news:

T minus 1week until the 2nd trimester!!!

back on the wagon (should be at least): PREGNANT!

Operation: knocked up Revisit the agony glory of pregnancy because only children are weird Milo needs a little bro or sis to play with.

Please don't let it be a little bro AND a little sis.

Or a little bro AND a little bro.

Or a little sis AND a little sis.

disclaimer:  I'll be happy with whatever the good Lord has blessed us with.

*wink*

First, I dyed my hair back to it's original shade of *ahem* blonde...It's been 5 years since I've seen this shade...meh.  LOOK!  My phone matches the tacky border in my bathroom!

Then I made an OBGYN appointment to remove the Mirena...(what the HELL am I doing??!!??  I'm excited.  I'm scared.  I'm excited.  I'm scared...repeat)

Oh YES I DID!!!  What?  I was bored waiting for the doctor!

                                            
Okay...let's fast forward to the good -G-rated- part...

BAM!!

the mixture of OH SHIT and I SO EXCITE!! 

Ah...let the games begin...

My estimated due date is September 8th. 

It's gonna be a long summer....

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!