right now, for a moment...

I know eventually inevitably completely someday soon almost here they will be teenagers...

And they'll "eat me out of house and home" and won't want much to do with me before noon on any given monday/sunday/friday....and they'll have girlfriends (or boyfriends! or both!)...and homework and SATs or recruiters, and curfew and all the other verge of adulthood toeing the boundary issues...

and the days when mommy can make it all better, and the 12:30am, 3:30am feedings and then the other with the "my blanket needs fixing mama!" at 4:30am and then the cartoons and cheerios...and carseats and diapers...teething and potty training...bed time rituals, high chairs and blanket baby playdates...

but for tonight they are mine...just simply, playfully, mine....

baby's first Lobster



11/26/11
You gotta document these miracle milestones, ya'll



3 months



3 days




3 months



You know that movie Monsters vs. Aliens?  The scene when Reese Witherspoon's character -the big giant "Susan"- is holding up the SF bay bridge and trying to save all the civilians who are in their cars from being destroyed by the big bad alien thing?  And her fellow "monsters" aren't doing jack?  And Seth Rogen's character says something like, "WOW, Susan!  You're doing a GREAT job!"  and then she says, 

"I'M DOING EVERYTHING!"

that.

Sir Husbandpants has been home for a brief hot blink of an eye before he Jetplanes back to the abyss of underwater cruising.  And -oh wow- having both of us here for both of them is like...easy peasy puddin' pie life stuff. 




I can take a 3 month old out to a sushi lunch?!  And he just hangs out?  Without crying?!  WHAT?!


One of us can cook dinner (him) while the other plays on the internet with the kids.
One of us can fold the laundry (him) while the other nurses the baby while playing on the internet trucks with the 3yo.
One of us can take 3yo to the park while the other catches up with HGTV the dusting then nursing, the vacuuming then nursing.
One of us can take both the boys and cook breakfast while the other gets an extra 2 hours of sleep washes cloth diapers.

Bottom line, there's been 2 -TWO!- of us this week.  It's been so simply great.

Tomorrow husbanddaddypants leaves again.  When he comes back this guy will be just short of 6 months.

Me is le Sad.

But Ari?  He is le Fantastic.

He continues to be the best of the best, the cute of the cutes, and the easy of the easy.  It's like he intuitively knows that he needs to be cool if we want to get through this deployment with class and style.  He is smily and gurgly and coo-coo cachoo-man all the day light hours.  He gives me a 4-5 hour reprieve at night and when he does wake up it's smack-smack of his lips and a little wiggle-wiggle of the hips and he has me up to feed him. And then we're back down quickly.  All business and back to sleep.

He's on somewhat of a schedule -thanks to having an older brother.  And, due to his youngness and his gowiththeflow personality, he's flexible with the when and where's and how to's when it comes to sleeping and eatting and who holds him and where we go.  OH -except he won't take a bottle.  Oh -fucking-well, I says...

And,yes, I'm tired and overwhelmed and irritable at times and why-me sometimes and I sometimes want to buy a pack of smokes and a six pack of really expensive wine or buy a ticket to the Seychelles but more powerful than all of that is this GREAT BIG LOVE I have for my family. I know there is a bigger picture beyond The Work that goes into The Choices we make.  Life can be sweet whilst in The Weeds, The Trenches of single parenting deployment hassle I'M DOING EVERYTHING months that I'm staring down at.

YUP, I am exhausted and sad and lonely but mostly I'm just happy.  I'm not giving myself any other choice but to embrace where I am at in this moment and not because I HAVE to or it's EXPECTED of me but because

I
Just
Want
to...



Thanksgiving feast at daycare.



here today...



i miss you too, little man...

Last night, while sitting on my lap, Milo turned to me and said,

"I miss you, mommy."

And I know what he means.  Daddy is deployed and we have a 2 month old.  Mommy's time is split and unevenly divided .  Mommy's energy is preciously low.  Mommy's hands are usually holding his little brother.  Mommy can't always build log houses or crash trucks on the floor at any given time...

He doesn't understand that mommy is the only one to plan and cook dinner.  To get the trash out on Tuesdays.  To clean (vacuum, dust, swiffer!), to empty the dishwasher, to launder/fold/put away the clothes, to pay the bills on time, to get him to/fro daycare, to scoop the cat liter, to gas the car, to nurse every couple hours, to be up several times a night, to bathe both boys, to potty train, to change every diaper and bless every sneeze...

It won't always be like this
It won't always be like this.

And while he is still sitting on my lap, with my arms wrapped around him, Milo farts.

"Mommy I TOOTED!  I BIG TOOTED!"

Ah, 3 year olds....

beauty and the beast

It's safe to say this kid is going to break many a hearts. 
'Specially mines.
It's a curse to breed such good looking children...
le sigh...



Or maybe he won't be voted biggest flirt.  He'll be the class clown.
Most likely to make you laugh milk out of your nose...



for now, the superlative goes to...





most likely to be loved by his mama...
aww...



and on the otherside of the rainbow..
(friday 9/30/11, dusk)



there's a 3 year old who is going through some phases...up, down, twist and shout,
follow the unpredictable and colorful pathways...

 Some say the "terrible twos" others say "terrible threes."  We're on the terrible three team.

It's like "opposite day."  But everyday is opposite day.  And then when you give him what he asks for he cries about it and says he wants the other thing.  It's pretty fun.  Especially when you're up every 2 hours at night to nurse a floppy baby.

"Enjoy this time."

Oh I AM.

For example, it's saturday morning and I decide to take both boys to the library.  Dad stays home to get another hour of sleep.  After an hour at the library I ask Milo,

"Do you want to stay for storytime at the library or go to the playground?"

"I want storytime."

So he sits with a few other toddlers and grabs an egg to shake along with the music.  After a minute, he returns the egg and says to me,

"I want to go to the playground."

So we get in the car, I strap in a sleeping Ari.  I strap in a content Milo. I get in, put the car in reverse...

And guess what happens.

"I WANT STORYTIME!

STOOOOOOOOOOOOORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!"

IWANTSTORYTIMEIWANTSTORYTIMEIWANTSTORYTIMEIWANTSTORYTIME!

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

and then the baby wakes up.

And then there is synchronized crying.  It should be an Olympic event.  (parents of at least 2 children, can you feel me?)

I make the executive decision to NOT go to the playground.  NOT go back to library.  Sad children need to go home.
Fifteen LONG minutes later...we arrive home.  Crying/whining/screaming/end of the world noise is still full on.

The baby is soothed by nursing.  Milo, however, is sent to his room to continue his tantrum without an audience.  Not a time out, just time to vent his frustrations over being wishy washy and beyond reason and completely ridiculous. I suddenly hear banging and kicking on the walls and punching/banging on a window.  Paired with blood-curling screams of anger.

Toddler rage issues are awesome...

I'm starting to remember why I picked up smoking again shortly after I gave birth to Milo.

And I really don't want to start smoking again...

Perhaps a precription for Ativan is in order...

on the breast

Due to tongue tie and a sleep deprived, impatient, and anxious first time mom, Milo was not breast fed.  So I took the road less travelled and pumped 7 times a day and supplemented with formula.   Yes, it was a major pain in the ass.  I knew with Kid Dos that I would not go down that ridiculous road again.  If Ari wasn't into it and I wasn't into it, then formula would be measured and poured into the loving arms of a sterilized bottle.

However, Ari has been a super champion -let me show you how it's done- feeder of the breast.  I now "get it" when other moms speak highly of breastfeeding.  I used to think they were lying.  And I will breastfeed until it no longer works for one or both of us.

Or until he turns 5.  Whichever happens first.  (haHA!)

In the past month, here a couple few things I've learned:

You know you're a breastfeeding mom when...

-You're not embarrassed to push on your breasts in public to see which one you left on.

-You here the catch phrase, "The baby is fussy...he wants some of that 2%."

-You feel the tingle/burn of your milk coming in and think, "He must be hungry." -AND THE BABY IS SLEEPING.

-When you tell people, "He drinks from the tap."

-You go visit your brother and need to nurse.  An hour later when you nurse again, you notice you're missing a nursing pad.  As you're leaving and saying your good-bye's you add, "I lost a pad somewhere in your house.  Sorry 'bout that."

-You leave the house sans cleavage and then develop amazing cleavage within hours.

-After nursing in the car you forget to snap your bra and pull down your shirt.  And then you walk out, in public, totally oblivious to it.

-You shamelessly re-snap or unsnap your nursing bra in public.

-You have perfected your hide -n- seek skills.

-You wake up at night to feed the baby and can't tell if your sweating or if its breastmilk all down your chest/stomach/sheets.

-When your toddler finds your pump and pretends to express milk from his own chest.

-You're out of reach of some nursing pads, so you use whatever towel/shirt/baby blanket to stuff in your bra.

-Your baby unlatches because he's choking due to a strong let down.

-"Crying over spilt milk" has a new meaning to you.

- You wake up in the middle of the night and see a pond of milk on the sheets, milk pouring out of baby's mouth and pooled in his neck, boob hanging out...but you're too tired to care so you just shift the both of you to the side and go back to sleep.

-You swear it's like 90 degrees in your house.

-You marvel at nearly every diaper change that this poo/pee came from YOUR milk. AWESOME!

-You love how accessible, easy, and FREE the milk is!  And maybe it's just me, but breastfed babies are just way, way cute:



Case in point

 


It doesn't get any more delish-ness.

 

A dash of relaxation mixed with equal parts work and volunteering

Life under the big top of baby/toddler parallel raising phenomenon.  It's about balance.  It's about not enough sleep.  It's about too much laundry and not enough wine in the fridge.  And it's about discovering new Apps on the phone to occupy your mind when all you seem to do is breastfeed and change yet ANOTHER DIAPER.

It's about super human powers really...




75 percent (estimated, because TIME?  Hell if I know...) of the time we're doing some version of this.

 


And I just keep on taking pictures.  Lots and Lots of pictures...
Because someday (soon) I'll be looking back on these early days and musing about how tiny he was and how far we've come...and Oh, those were the days...

 



the days when he would sleep anywhere...

 


anytime...

 


and Milo...

 



oh, Milo, my Milo...
(finding alternate uses with the Moby wrap when not in use)

 



He's just a carefree 3 year old.
Oh, those were the days...



"Hi!  I gave birth 19 days ago!"

My husband would argue that we're doing more of this than the other. And when I say "this" I mean cleaning/painting/rearranging furniture.
You know, all the shit the parenting police would be "tsk tsking" over.
Why aren't you  SLEEPING WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!

 


Husb takes a break from painting our bedroom to change the young darling...on a side note, I had completely forgotten how many diapers a newborn goes through...SHEESH!

p.s. We haven't started the cloth diapering yet...but it's coming!  YesYesYes!

 


We headed out one fine Saturday morning to pick some potatoes with the first annual community havest to end hunger.



Well...the husb and I picked...Milo just wanted to hang out...

 


and hang out some more...

 


It was really rather ridiculous...

 


2 kids.
TWO!
Still a little weird. Awesome, but weird.
It'll be awhile before I get my groove with all of this...

  

the first 2 weeks (the honeymoon)

The first 2 weeks of l'Ari (I've turned a French stone in my sleep deprived state of life) have been en liess!  Baby blues?  Not a chance!  (I credit breast feeding hormones.  Thank you oxytocin and prolactin!)  Broken sleep?  No problem (I've got the keen ability to nap...).  Aches and after birth pains? Pssht...handled (thank you Ibuprofen, Tylenol with codeine, sitz baths, and witch hazel pads!) .  Sibling rivalry? Nothing but love.  Dinner? On the table (thanks to my husb on paternity leave and my Mama's group for providing me with some frozen meals! Along with many other goodies!).  Cleanliness of the house?  White gloved perfection (or just too distracted to care at this point).

Breastfeeding issues?  Ari and I are a TEAM! It's like we're the poster people of La Leche.  Seriously though, I'm actually impressed with our ability to do this...for 2 weeks straight!  With every wet/poo diaper I pat myself on the back that I can breastfeed!  At Ari's 2 week appointment he measured at 23 inches (grown 2 inches!) and weighed 8lbs 9oz (gained just under a pound).  Making him around the 50th percentile for weight and above the 100th percentile for height.

No cradle cap. No baby acne.  No rashes, cuts, marks or boo-boos on this perfect creature...



We get about 3 hour stretches of sleep at night.  It's a start...
Otherwise I'm nursing every hour or 2...

 


So, you're the daddy 'round here?!

 



"To split yourself in two, is just the most radical thing you can do."
Ani Difranco

 



The other day Ari was fussing in his car seat.  I asked Milo to talk to his brother to help soothe him.  Milo turns to Ari and says, "It's okay, Ari.  Mommy's here.  Daddy's here. and Milo's here!"
It was a moment for me.
On the occasion that Milo wakes in the middle of the night -possibly from some bad dream or maybe a cat hacking a hairball from under his bed- I go to his room and tell him mommy and daddy are here.  I'm so glad that this not only soothes him back to his pillow to sleep, he remembers it.
And he used these words for his brother. Le sigh...

 

 


I live with these guys.  Me love lots.

  


and I wear my husbands boxers sometimes (I've lost all but 5lbs of the "baby weight!")...Classy Comfort for the "inbetween stage."

 


4 days afer birth, we took Ari to a check-in/up appointment.  His skin,when pressed, turned yellow.  So we had blood drawn.  His bilirubin was 16.3.  At 17 he would have been readmitted to the hospital for light therapy.  Instead we were able to go home with the instructions to feed-feed-feed so he can poop-poop-poop.  We also sat outside in the early morning/late afternoon.  2 days later his numbers were down to 13.  Doc says in his rough Indian accent, "We aren't going to worry about this jaundice anymore...."

 Yellow, yellow go away...




He doesn't remember how much he hated the swing when he was an infant.
Now?  It's a freakin' riot!

 


Psst...mama, I'm hungry!

 


Why, yes, that is my 3y.o. playing Call of Duty: Black Ops.  Probably not the most age appropriate game...
Probably.

 



This couch has gotten a lot of love.





Pretty much the best thing in the entire universe times infinity.

 

Taking Ari out at this age has proven to be a large case of "show and tell."  But me, de Milo and the husb must leave the house!  And with that comes alot of
"Wow, he's so tiny!" 
"You forget how small they are."
"How old is he or she?"
"Look at the little baby!"
"Now THAT is a newborn."
and one...
"In my day, we didn't take the baby out in public until after many months."



Burrito de Milo.
Milo has observed many swaddle sessions with his little brother.  So, one night, he requested the same.



Laundry is nothing short of Insane.  I'm impressed with the amount of clothing a newborn goes through, along with the 3 other folks that reside with him.  Milo enjoys "helping" out...



On Ari's 2 week post birthday -day, the husb and I took him out to dinner.  With white linen napkins and appetizers and salad and shrimp and scallops.  It was a fancy time.
Fortunatly we were surrounded by seasoned parents who didn't mind a baby in their fancy restaurant date night atmosphere.
Course, Ari stayed on the boob for most of the experience...





so far...so cool...