The Boss Man a la playdate

"Hey, Ronan, I'm gonna need you to place this ball under me.  Gotta work the back and abs."

"Does this work, Milo?"

"Yup. Kthx."

"Ok. So now, Ronan, I'm gonna need you to put all the blocks and lego peices in this wagon, wheel it to the kitchen, and then build me a stepping stool strong enough for me to get up on the counter and investigate the spice cabinet.  Think you can do that?  mmmmkthx."

"Hey, Milo. The stool is all set for you. Can I share a snack with you?  Whatchu eatting?"

"Um, yeahhhhh. Well, I guess so...."

"Here ya go...But just ONE."

"Let's sit here and share! Nice Chucks by the way!"  Nom, Nom, Nom

"Alright, that's enough downtime.  If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean.  Now let's sweep up those crumbs."

"MmmmKThx"

*disclaimer: NO child labor laws were broken during the filming of this playdate.

Lazy snowy Sunday

I eat pies like you for breakfast

So here is my first attempt at charting.  I'm not even going to let on how LONG this took and how many unkind WORDS were said.  But despite my OCD yelling at me for all the tiny little mistakes that I let go to the publishers...I think this was...kinda fun...

Happy Birthday!!

Happy 30th to my little brother, BEN!! Hope you have a great day!

Moments of his Youth

WTH? These people are Bat-Shit CRAZY!

Put some pants on kid! Where is your father?!?

Disclaimer: That's an EMPTY bottle of Ativan Klonipan Percocet Ibuprofen that he is mouthing on!

What's a childhood without rolling around on the floor in hysterics, standing on your daddy's back while mouthing a bottle of Ibu, and slipping into a pair of his old man shoes?

Alltogethernow:  Awww...he is just TOO CUTE!!

Baby come back

I was going through some old photos and came across these from that one snow storm (Or is it snowstorm? some things they just didn't teach us in public school) we got a few weeks back or maybe it's been a month or 2 now I can't remember so I guess the photos aren't *that* old but I remember seeing the broom in the snow and it reminded me of that Swiffer Mop commercial and thinking wow I am glad to capture this *moment* and then with the second pic being all "honey, hey, hey, honey, stop the car, back up, gotta take a picture of that grocery cart can you believe they just left it there knowing a snownomenon was coming and the cart could be stuck there for WEEKS and hubby was all are you serious and then he gave a big 'ol big sigh while putting the car in reverse...

"...you can blame it all on me..."

Sad really...

yeah. So there's that. 

I need a good nights sleep. Seriously...

True Story

why I'll NEVER forget my ipod when going to the gym...

Here are 2 convos I had today with 2 different ladies at the gym that made me feel unusually Republican and Consertive. Like Massachusettes' new Senator. (DISAPPOINTED in YOUS)

scene: Myself and said lady on the Cybex machines.


lady: (turns towards me) You're here early!

(it's 11am)

me: (looking over at this stranger whom I've NEVER seen before, gives a polite smile) I'm usually here earlier... (thinking: What the HELL..WHO the HELL...???)


lady: You must not work. Do you work?

me: (slightly annoyed because I could be someone who works 2nd or 3rd shift and uses the morning to work out. In Solitude.) I don't work outside the home.

(because WE ALL know that being a SAHM is STILL WORK! LOTS and LOTS of WORK)

lady: Are you a REAL ESTATE AGENT?!?

me: (thinking: Huh. That's weird she mentions that. Does she read my blog?) No, I stay at home with my son.

lady: HOW do you AFFORD THAT?!? IN THIS ECONOMY!

me: (smiles a polite and TIGHT smile, dying to say: MIND YO BIZNASS WOMAN!! Do you seriously think I'm going to tell you about my finances?! But if you MUST KNOW I've become independently wealthy since I patented my VAGINA. It's been a few years now, and WOW! We got a place in Aspen, Tahiti and we're looking at some property in Bora Bora. Y'know, it's just fantastic to have your own 747. We go to Paris every tuesday for crepes and cappuccino...)

lady: Well...daycare is pretty expensive these days...

me: (smile, raise eyebrows, nods head) mmmhmmm...

I continue my workout engrossed in a magazine for the next *cough*45 minutes *cough*... OK FINE..25 minutes...)

END SCENE

An hour later I'm all set to pick up little man from the "kids club." As I'm putting on his jacket and signing him out one of the girls that works there says:

girl: Milo looks like Blues Clues today.

me: I'm not familiar with that.

girl: It's a cartoon character. He wears blue stripes like the sweater Milo has on today.

me: (absentmindedly) oh...okay...

Stage left another mom who is picking up her child and overheard our convo says: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BLUES CLUES.

me: (ignoring other mom...because I didn't appreciate her tone...which is easy to do when you're busy putting on a toddler's jacket)

other mom: He must be your first child...(continuing her condenscending tone)

me: (continues to ignore mom...again easy to do because I'm chasing Milo around the room STILL trying to put on his jacket)

other mom exits stage right

END SCENE

okay, so first of all...what does "he must be your first child" have ANYTHING to do with the fact that my son does not watch this "Blues Clues?" I know several 1st time moms whose child is at, or near, Milo's age who watch PLENTY of cartoons. GODAMMIT.

The fact that Milo doesn't watch Blues Clues, or any other cartoons for that matter, is not due to me being Anti-TV or for lack of trying...TRUST ME: I have put on cartoons TRYING to zone out that kid occupy him...to no avail...Milo, at this time, truly enjoys his toys and/or hanging on, or with, his mama. He's a people person -he'd much rather be hangin' with his homies than bondin' with cartoons. That's just the reality. So BACK OFF CARTOON PUSHIN' LADY.

So anyhoo, I was in NO mood to explain JACK to any of these women who, I felt, were getting in my face about things like staying home with my son or the fact that he doesn't watch TV.

WOW I'M SO WEIRD, I KNOW!!

Of course, I may be a little sensitive due to the lack of sleep from the night before (another story alltogether) and the fact that I suffer from premenstrual syndrome aka "GET THE HELL UP OFF OF MY SHIT"

So that was the beginning of my day...here is a snippet of the end of my day...

so, yeah, I'm all good now...

wordless wednesday or...uhhh..yeah, no words, really...

Milos best good dog friend

A few months or something ago Milo and I visited a friend (sidenote: we were 4 HOURS late to the playdate.  I'm a good friend like that) who had this very KIND and PATIENT dog.  I've recently discovered the "email" option on my phone.  So,yeah, look who can now post pictures from the mobile handy?

I got skills. MAD.

So here's a few snippets of Milo FINALLY finding a four legged creature who doesn't run for the hills (not  the Brody Jenner kind.) screaming/crying:

Though Milo really enjoys dogs...I'm still WAYS AWAY from getting a dog....I think we'll stick with our 2 cats for the time being...

Time Out

Need I say more?

the RastaMan gave us Hope. Then Chinatown.

It started as an innocent day of sight-seeing.  I not so expertly tourguided my MIL, BIL, and SIL into the great city of our Nations Capital. This was their first time witnessing such greats as the Washington Memorial:

and the obligatory group pose in front of the Capital building.

and then, quite unexpectedly, as we entered pergatory The Natural History Museum a Hu-mon-go Elephant comes charging at us! (cue Elepant noise)

and right behind him? A whole FLEET of horses, goats, and that fluffy thing with 4 legs (as seen on bottom right. and next to him? I think a RAM.  Which is my zodiac sign power animal.  So, totally, relevant)

"LUNCH. You will be my LUNCH. NOM NOM NOM"

We ran to the nearest cave and sought solace with a seemingly friendly family.  Until we noticed they were...burying some....GUY?! What in the Name OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!" (yes. I become religious all of sudden.  Fear can do this)

So we HIGH TAILED it like bunny rabbits out of there and found ourselves in AFRICA!.  I know! How does this happen?! Maybe when you "get God" you can end up in Africa? (shrug). We came across this lady who offered us some native vegtables..."You must regain your strength. Your journey does not end here."

Well. Then. Let's get it on with it...

These Africans sure can write...I'm glad I'm African now...

And then BAM! We are swimming in some Ocean wonderland of outrageous JELLYFISH! Which I'm totally allergic too. So, you know, ME SCARED!

And whales of UNREASONABLE sizes! (NOT allergic to whales.  File under: goodtoknow)

We paddled to the nearest shoreline.  Paddles we just happened to have. Because...yeah, like I always say: NEVER leave home without a paddle!  OR TWO!  So we found these guys.  I know. Put some PANTS on. Get a haircut.  GAWD! DAMN TREE HUGGERS! p.s. what's with the legs on that horse??

But they were nice enough to make us a fire to dry off a bit from that DUD of a canoe ride.

 I admired his abs. He said he liked my teeth. We were cool.

He told us of butterflies and how they would lead us to the next adventure...but...

This is BULLSHIT.  We all know the butterflies were out hitting up Happy Hour in Chinatown...

What were we to do??

Yup. We discovered the Rasta-man IS GOOD. That is all...ahem,yes..

and then...The Hope Diamond.  (Which, BTW, this picture, TOTALLY gives it justice!)

speaking of Happy Hour in Chinatown...

"I must have been dreaming!"

This is what I look like after half a pitcher of Sangria...what? After a day of being chased by elephants, cavemen and giant jelly fish...I think it is SO. VERY. In order....

*clink*

Wordless

Saturday Morning

What Saturday mornings should look like...Cartoons, cereal, snuggles...

Except there is just one little thing...not right...

Do you see it?

Apparently I didn't secure the diaper at ALL very well...Yeah, now there's pee on my couch.  And on the husbands pants.  Awesome.

Just another Saturday morning with the Easy E's...