a birth story (5 years later)

It's been well over a year since I've posted the goings on o' the tribe.  Life with 2 children, highly interruptive. I now have thousands of pictures just hanging out in the hard drive, on an external drive, and, of course, the iPhone.  And what would I do if there wasn't Instagram?! What can I say? Me love the photo aps.  Anyhoo...the photos are all organized by dates but with no obnoxious, witty, motherly commentary.  I started this blog shortly after Milo was born and now here we are 5 years later...

(mind BLOWN)

5 years has HAPPENED, MAN, since that day I transferred my heart and mind to another human being and pushed like a beast that 6 pounder (and 14 ounces thankyouverymuch) with a vacuum assist out of my body.  5 years since I last saw that free-wheeling out for ME ME and ME ain't no car seat in this pimp ride, yo -I got time to KILL and WASTE AWAY -let's SLEEP UNTIL NOON BABY!

 I now have a 5 year old...still weird a bit for me but I'll take. Hell, some days I'll take 18 years: GO DO YOUR OWN THING WASH YOUR OWN LAUNDRY CLEAN YOUR OWN DAMN BATHROOM. You wanna watch 5 hours of t.v. while eating Doritos with your other hand down your pants? HAVE AT IT!! Here let me get you your 5th glass of Orange Juice!

And call your mother every once in awhile of course...

 

But I know all of that will happen.  Some say at lightning speed, blink of an eye, before you even know it....

 

But we all know, as parents -as people- that "enjoying every moment" is ridiculous and impossible. 

Witnessing a newborn become a toddler become a talker become a finally sleeping through the nighter who FINALLY is out of diapers become a big brother...

 

 

I've grown into this parenting gig with you, Milo, as you've slid into and out of phases of your first 5 years.  Every age has become "my favorite age." Listening to you talk and attempt sense of this world I invited you into, it's my favorite past time.

Milo, 3 months

I still remember your birthday, the original one.  A story I haven't told on this blog.

Long story short, Your birth scared the shit out me.

 (But I'm going to tell the details anyways...)

 My water broke with a big 'ol POP, waking me up at 3something in the morning.  I was 36 weeks and one day pregnant.  I assumed you felt my "I'M SICK OF BEING PREGNANT" vibes reverberating through the uterine walls.  I had been to my 36 week appointment 2 days prior and the doc du jour at Navy medical cheerfully waved me off, "see you at your 38 week appointment!"

So when I found myself drenched in amniotic fluid and contractions thundering on the mountain at a rapid pace I could think of nothing but FUCK! GET ME TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL!  Of course we lived 50 miles away....

Your dad, aka Superman, had us there in 30 minutes.  Thankfully it was WAY EARLY IN THE MORNING and there was no traffic. The beltway circling D.C. is well known for its crazy rush hours.

We go through the security checkpoint quickly...One look at moaning about-to-pop mama over here and the guard waved us through without so much as an id check.  We park the car and head into the hospital.  Although we had been here nearly every month for 8 months...we had very little clue as to where the actual maternity ward was, despite the tour we took a month earlier...The hospital has a tricky layout and as luck would have it....not ONE person we passed could tell us where to go.  NOT ONE.  I had given up on caring about the "just pissed myself" look and was feeling each contraction harder and harder as more and MORE fluid gushed out of me.

Yeah.  NICE.

I always thought that water just broke ONCE.  But mine kept GOING.  For, like, HOURS. 

(haha, yes this is YOUR story baby boy...)

We managed to find the one tricky out-of-the-way elevator that leads to the magical land of epidurals.  I was moaning and leaning across the nurse's station like a drunk sorority girl at her first fraternity party.  The pain had gotten so bad I was sure I was dying.  And that it would NEVER end.  And that I was dying. And that it would NEVER END.

The check-in was mostly done by your dad because the questions kept coming.  I felt myself on the verge of crossing into CRAZY TOWN.  I did -nicely- give one nurse some feedback, "You know, you guys ask the same questions over and over.  I've had 3 nurses ask me the SAME THING."  (smile)

"Yes, we're aware of that."

Well what THE FUCK then...

Ugh...Navy medicine.  Anyways....

5 centimeters and an epidural later (I was THIS CLOSE to making out with the dude who hit my back up with that amazing nectar of NUMB.  I didn't care how pregnant and married I was...he took that pain BYE BYE) I was settled nicely into my room.  Making phone calls, watching the Today show...and wondering when I could order some food. 

Because I WAS STARVING. 

I quickly progressed to 10cm but I didn't feel "the pressure" just yet so I laid low.  By 10am, the pressure and then my anxiety was turned on and it was time to PUSHity PUSH!  With knees drawn up and a room full of interns (yay teaching hospital!) I gave it my all.  We took breaks every few minutes to view your heart rate and to roll me to my side to ease the pressure.  The doc decided to put a vacuum on your head to get you out quicker since your heart was stressing over the contractions.  But that's all I needed to motivate me at the last moment and you were out quickly.

10:35am
July 18, 2008
6lbs 14oz
20 inches

Doctor's first words?  "He bit me!"  Yes, you were a fighter! You were probably just as surprised as I was that you had arrived a month ahead of schedule.  As I've always said when telling this story..."It didn't hurt my feelings he wanted out early!"

Easy to say when you were born healthy and beautiful. 

3 months

They say the most rapid phase of a child's development occurs in their first five years of life...



1 year old (Ocean City, MD)

2.5 years old

 

3.5 years

 

4.5 years

 

 And I tend to believe them...

5 years

Dear Milo,

You've brought a tremendous amount of LIGHT into my life.  You've opened my consciousness in ways that only you could do.  From those restless, sleepless nights with you in my arms or laying next to me, to your sweet, spontaneous hugs when you say, "Mommy you wanna play with me?" Your eyes will be the death of me.  They say everything and inspire me to be better, to do better.

In a couple of months, you'll be starting Kindergarten, and you are SO EXCITED. Just as I wrote on your first day of daycare way back when you were 19 months old, your world is about to get bigger.  You're village is about to encompass a whole new set of people, ideas, energy, and spirit.  Know that you're family will be here and you will always be surrounded by love...

 

Ocean City, July 2013

 

Love you baby boy,

Mama

L&D (part 2)

After the doc breaks my water she leaves the room and I continue laboring on...

A short while later the nurse calls the doc...

"You want to come in here and deliver a baby?"

"Wha...?"  I didn't know we were so close.  It was 11:30am-ish.

Throughout my pregnancy, Ari's heart rate stayed in the 150s. This was no exception during active labor.

Until my water broke.

Soon after, with every contraction, his heartrate started dropping.

down
down
down.

You could hear his little heart fading from a strong pound to a weak 60 beats.

Doc comes in and checks my cervix.  I'm still 8cm.  Not enough to start The Great Push, but the baby isn't tolerating my contractions now that his pinata has been popped...

"Let's give her oxygen and flip her to her left side."

For the next several minutes I'm moving to my left -then right- left -then right- side trying to get the baby's heart to come back to baseline.

Doc:  "I can look at this number all day.  But *this* number...I don't like..."

Doc:  "Dad, can you put on these blue scrubs?  Mom, we're going to put on these stockings.  We might need to do a C-section."

With the oxygen masked strapped to my face, a nurse tugging stockings onto my feet and up to my knees, and watching Justin put on his paper blue outfit, I started crying.  My body is shaking and I am scared...

A C-WHAT?!
Why isn't he tolerating the contractions anymore?  What's happening?  What's going to happen?!

I can still hear his heartbeat.  His very. slow. heart. beat.

Another nurse comes into the room and discretely tells the doc she has put the 11:45 c-section on hold.  "In case you need the room."

The room is pretty quiet.  My once jovial, wise-cracking doc is suddenly very focused on the monitors.  My excitement about being able to push soon is replaced by images of a sheet being placed up before me, doc telling me "a little pressure" as they cut me open. 

With every contraction she attempts to dilate my cervix further.

Justin stays by my side, giving me eyes and words of encouragement.  I'm thankful he looks so confident.  As much as I don't want a C-section, I can't stand hearing this slow heartbeat.  I'm on the verge of saying FUCK IT, WHEEL ME OUT NOW!!

But I stay quiet, despite the tears and shaking.  I trust *totally* the team of people around me and I turn when they say turn.  I breathe deeper when they tell me to do so.  Whatever they need me to do, I do.  And I do it immediately and without a word.

At 11:55am, she informs the nurse to go ahead with the scheduled c-section and "Lynsey, pull your knees up, grab behind your knees, roll into a ball...we're going to start pushing..."

And PuSH and PUsH and PusH I did...

"That's it, take a breath....now PUSH PUSH PUSH...he's RIGHT HERE...take a breath...okay PUSH c'mon c'mon c'mon PUSH..."

Seeing as how I was all Epidural'd up, I couldn't really feel much.  At all.  When she said his head was crowning, I reached down and could feel him.  This completely motivated me and I knew that all this effort was going to keep me out of the OR and a baby in my arms in no time.

Another contraction, another 3 pushes and his head was out.  I looked down and was freaked out/amazed at this grey headed creature sticking out of me.  OMG!

Doc suctioned his nose and mouth clear and says, "Yeah, there's the cord wrapped around his neck...one, two, THREE times?!"
She tells me later that she had never vaginally delivered a baby whose cord was wrapped 3 times around its neck.  She also tells me that if it wasn't for me being "such a great pusher" and keeping my cool, she wouldn't have hesitated to wheel me to the OR.  Also, being paired with an experienced -no-nonesense, all business- nurse made this delivery happen the way it did. 

"If you had been freaking out and not able to do what we needed you to do, I would've just wheeled you to the OR.  I'm not going to deal with a patient who can't listen to me and stay calm. Same with the nurse.  If I'm working with a new, inexperienced nurse who is freaking out who, in turn, freaks out the patient, I'll just section the birth.  But you turned when we asked you to turn, you pushed when and how we needed you to push.  But, GIRL, you gave me a few new grey hairs!  You need to pay for my next hair appointment!"

After the baby was delivered (at 12:10pm -only 15 minutes of pushing!) they took him straight to the baby warmer and started in on their exams.

Apgar at 1 minute: 9
Apgar at 5 minutes: 9

August 26, 2011
12:10pm
7 lbs, 12.2 ounces. 
21 inches

And BOY did he cry...big, healthy cries...

And finally he was in my arms
Sigh/Relief/Happy-Surge

the proud pop

Welcome to the World Ari Beckett!!

After some -ahem- repairs they wheel-chaired me up to next floor where I spent the next 2 days bonding/recovering/oooh and ahhing all over my new bundle of lovejoy perfection.

Because just when you think you couldn't love enough...here comes this ray of awesome -shooting straight out of your body and into your life/heart/soul/spirit...

And baby comes with ALOT of paperwork

"I got a cookie!  OH!  And a baby brother..."

Hi, Ari!  I'm your big brother...nice to meet you...

Post-Delivery sushi.  I should think so!
Girl needs her Omega-3s!

With a newborn (again!) But this time it isn't Milo...so weird.  Here he is fresh from his first bath.

12:10pm Saturday: 24 hours old!

The family of four: completed by This Guy!

Woman created Man:  2 TIMES!

Daddy taking his boys for their first walk together...*swoon*

Leaving the hospital with my 2 (TWO!) boys in the backseat...
Let the good times ROLL!

38 weeks + 1 day: Happy Birthday Ari Beckett! (Part One)

So there was an earthquake on Tuesday.  I gave birth on Friday.  And a hurricane Irene came through on Saturday.

It's been a very cool week, man...

Let me sum up a birth story:

Wednesday (at 37 weeks 6 days) I had attended my doc appointment and was measuring 3cm and 75% effaced. The same as the week before.  The lady parts doc had guestimated that she'd see me next week for my 39 week appointment.  I waddled out of that office disappointed.  I felt for sure I'd be giving birth this week. I felt huge, achy, and READY!

The next day, Thursday, I head up to the commisary at the local Air Force base with my trusty grocery store list.  I had bought a copy of the latest Rachael Ray mag and was all inspired to make a month's worth of meals in 1 day.  We were also expecting hurricane Irene to come through the area.  So I'm throwing several gallons of water, 10lbs of pork and chicken, pull-ups, and ice cream into the cart.  I'm going to be well-fed and prepared if I have to stay holed up at home with the fam!

Of course, while I was there I was inspired to use the ladies room and take this picture:

Approximately 26 hours before giving birth

 

Later that night I got a smooch from some handsome guy who was giving our son a bath:

It's like I knew this was my last full day of being pregnant.  Let me take as many pics...

10pm came along and the husb and I decided to call it a night.  I had briefly debated if I wanted to stay up to watch the latest Jersey Shore, but decided I could handle a rerun the next day. Mama was tired...

I woke up around 4am, which was nothing unusual.  Went pee and crawled/scooted back into bed.  I started feeling achy in the hips.  Like hips are pulling apart kind of achy.  I had been feeling this off/on for weeks.  No biggie.  Then the ache came back 10 minutes later.  Then 10 minutes later.  Then again.  I got up again and peed.

This time I came back into the room and dropped to my knees and leaned against the bed.  Justin sits up.

"Are you okay?"

"My hips are just really hurting."

"Should I call the doctor?"

"Let's just see what happens."

I didn't know if this was a pattern.  A truly active-in-labor pattern.  Justin pulls out my phone and starts timing the contractions with my nifty phone app.  Periodically, I walk around the room and then drop down again to hum out the pain.  Next thing I know it's around 530am and I was convinced this was the
Real McCoy of Labor.  I get up brush my teeth and start putting my toiletries in my hospital bag that had been packed for a couple of weeks now.

"We gotta get outta here."

I call the doctor and leave a message that I was having contractions for over an hour, 5 minutes apart and lasting from 45 seconds to 1.5 minutes.

Within a few minutes someone from the doc's office calls me back, gets more info, and let's me know that she'll notify my doctor.

Meanwhile Justin wakes up Milo gets him dressed and tells him, "Mommy and I have go to the hospital.  Your baby brother is going to be here soon!"

"Oh, baby brother!"

Milo doesn't have daycare on Fridays and I was feeling the need to go-go-go to the hospital.  Since my mom lives an hour away I had decided to take my friend up on her offer to "Call me if you need anything" and I called.  At 6am she answers her phone and graciously allows us to drop off Milo.  I call my mom and let her know what's happening. 

By 630am we're barrolling down the road.  40 minutes to the hospital...

I'm breathing, I'm moaning and reminding myself that my water hasn't broken yet and these pains were not the worst to come.  I can handle this.  My body was made just for this. Every song on the radio seemed to be a direct message to me.  From Bob Marley (Could you be loved, and be loved...) to Katie Perry (Do it all again/this Friday night/do it all again...)
The sun coming up over the horizon seemed to be welcoming this new life like a new day.  Every cloud, every bird...(focus/focal points)

Every contraction seemed to take me deeper into more pain.  I tried to remain focused and fully breathe into them.  3 years ago I was so terrified of each contraction.  Each one like Thunder on the Mountain.  I fought them and resisted them and my anxiety seemed to take over making it a thoroughly scary experience.

I didn't want this to be another scary experience.

What seemed to help this go-round was to welcome the contraction, breathe it in and out and when it subsided thank it and send it back to the universe.

"You can have that back"

There something about labor, preparing your body for birth, that brings you into your self, God, mother nature -no matter your spirituality, religion, energy, light, sage burning chanting enlightenment -these moments really make one reach outside yourself as well as deep within yourself- for strength, to be absent of fear, to embrace.

And as soon as the contraction was gone I felt normal, relaxed.  And then it would come back. 

Ebb/Flow, Ebb/Flow, Ebb/Flow

"I can't believe we're doing this.  Today."

 I felt emotional, numb, excited, scared, focused, but mostly thankful that I had my husband next to me and that Milo was safely cared for.

I could focus on my labor.  My husband could focus on me.  And Milo wouldn't have to be scared/confused over what was going on...

We park and head up to Labor and Delivery shortly after 7am.  After a brief check-in and several contractions later I'm hooked up in the triage room.

I'm 5cm and 75% effaced.

"What's your plan for pain management?"

"Lots of it."

"You plan for lots of pain?"

(laughing) "No, I'd like lots of meds to manage my pain..."

I'm still in mild disbelief that this is all happening but also relieved that they don't tell me to "Go walk the halls" to help my labor along.  I was dilated and had a consistent contraction pattern.  I'll be admitted to room 202 thankyouverymuch!

Since cocktail Epidural was on my menu front and center they start the IV.  After my veins had gurgled a full bag of fluids I was able to get the feel-good doctor to come into my room and poke at my spine.

At around 8am the very nice lady from Anesthesia wheels in her magic.  I had an Epi with Milo so I felt confident in the experience.  However, it was a tad more painful than 3 years ago.  The electric shock that resonated on the right side of my body scared the shit out of me.  Ms. Anesthesia guided me through everything she was doing and explained it all.  Apparently, every doc does their own thing when administrating the juice.



Moments after The Great Epidural.  God bless modern medicene!



And then it was chill time (in between texting and calling various family and friends, of course)

 For the next hour I was itching like a crack addict.  She said this is normal and is a side effect from another med that she gives in order to get more immediate relief.  So for an hour I feel The Warm Numb paired with The Annoying Itch.

Soon after, the doc comes in and I can't help myself...

"You were wrong!"

"I told you things can change quickly!"

"Well, you didn't hurt my feelings, I'm glad to be here!"

"You got your epidural...? (notices the wires and such)...oh, yes you did..."

She checks out my cervix and I'm 8cm!

"Let's go ahead and break your water."

"Yeah, might as well...since you're already down there..."

I'm nothing if not classy...

"Damn, flood the room, girl!"

And my doctor is nothing but professional...:)

But after the bag of water was broken...that's when things started going downhill...



waiting...