the time has come

Dear Milo,

As I type this you are sleeping snugly in your crib for the night.  You with your new Elmo doll, the monkey as measuring stick, and a blanket.   It's not just another night though. Tomorrow you will wake up and, as usual, I will stumble into your room, change your diaper, open your curtains, give you lots of kisses and good mornings.  But tomorrow we won't have a leisurely breakfast where I give you your Cheerios and oatmeal and banana and juice. And then we share my yogurt/granola/banana mixture.  Where you watch me make coffee and I redirect you off the counter.  You're so quick these days dragging a chair over and climbing up, beaming at me with pride.

We won't parade back upstairs to change clothes and brush teeth and hide under the bed. Our new routine won't include errands, morning playdates, or going to the gym.

Tomorrow morning you'll wake up to a whole new routine.  I'll already be dressed, the car will be warming up, and you will, essentially, go from crib to carseat to daycare.  Your breakfast will be served by someone else as you sit at a table with 5 other kids.  These people will be brand new to you at first.  You may wonder where I am, why I've left you, and even wonder if I'll be back.   Your whole life, everyday, I've been within moments from you.  And, now, your little world, is going to get just a little bit bigger.  I know, right now, none of this makes sense to you. And it may not make sense to you for years to come.  I've cherished these past 19 months of being your mama.  Of being your Stay at Home Mama. I've witnessed and applauded every milestone you've accomplished and I will be eternally grateful that I was given the opportunity and the desire to stay home.

I know you will do fabulous at your daycare!  You love being around other kids.  You have such a big smile and laugh, you easily win people over. You are naturally social and quickly become at ease with your surroundings.  I'm putting you into someone else's care.  Someone that I know you will learn to trust, respect, and love.  Someone that I know who will do more than just meet your needs, but will help you grow, thrive, and be happy.

Yes, tomorrow your world is going to become a little bit bigger. And you may not understand why mama is waving good bye and driving away without you. Why you're napping in a pack and play and why so many things...but know, that Daddy and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and all the things we do, we do for you and because of you -to make our lives better.

You'll never know all the pleasure I receive in your smile,
hugs and loves,
mama