38 weeks

Knowing every public restroom in a 50 mile radius from my home has been my privilege

Stats of the week:

Still to go:
14 days  ANY FLIPPIN' DAY NOW PLEASE

Total weight gain:
22.5 lbs

Blood pressure:
100/50

Measuring at:
39 weeks

As of yesterday's appointment I'm holding strong at 3cm and 75% effaced.  Baby is at -2 station.

My doc thinks she'll see me next week at the 39 week appointment but in the same breath says, "But things can change quickly!  Call me if you have 5 strong contractions within one hour or your water breaks."

Dear Water,
You've broken before on your own.  I know you can do this again.  Now be a good bag of water and POP GODDAMIT!  Preferably in the privacy of my home and when I'm standing on hard wood floor.
Very Respectively,
MME

Dear Contractions,
Although I've been feeling you on/off for a weeks now, you're really not giving me all you got.  I know you can do better.  Remember 3 years ago when you had me doubled over the nurse's station in Labor and Delivery and I was punching my husband in the chest/stomach/arms and yelling "This Fucking SUCKS!" and the triage nurse thought I was saying "NO Fucking SEX!" ? Now *those* we're some bad-ass contractions.  Even though I had to numb you down with a big fat needle, you did a great job getting everything ready for the birth of my darling Milo. 

Now let's revisit the good 'ol days, shall we?  And then we can put all this pregnancy business behind us.
V/R,
MME

The baby boy who is enjoying my uterus way too much and ignoring all eviction notices I have posted
is still plenty active.  Fierce kicks are easily and frequently felt in the ribs.  He hiccups daily and it usually begins just as I'm lying down for the night.

It used to be cute, but things have changed.

Labor dust fairies...please sprinkle your magic upon me...

Don't let the "I'm not amused" look fool you...I've got *plenty*of humor left in me.  Sort of.

My little drag queen
"Hey, mama!  Let's turn on some Madonna and VOGUE!"

As I was in the bathroom for the 3,405th time, Milo spontaneously loops one of my bras around himself and says, "Look at me, mama, look at ME!"

Thank you, Milo, for reminding me to not take myself so seriously.  You da bests!